Hospital appointments, shocks and treatment

Hello, welcome back to my blog this week and I hope you have had a good week. My week hasn’t been that fun with a week full of appointments revealing many shocks. So, let me talk you through my week and I hope I can help many understand and inspire others.

Starting with Monday, I didn’t have an appointment luckily. So what did I do? I met up with someone that I love and care about. Obviously outside and abiding by our local lock down restrictions. It was a lovely time, from 2 until 5 we just chatted, I loved it.

Right. So the good stuff now. Tuesday was my first appointment in the week. An MRI scan lasting for over an hour. I don’t usually find these uncomfortable but this week I did, the top of the head hole was pushing into my head. Having this gor over an hour was not very pleasant and I did try and move but you need to stay still so unfortunately, I just layed in pain for over an hour.

Wednesday, or as I like to call it, one of the worst days of my life. So, what happened? I went out for breakfast in the morning with my family, I really enjoyed it, that isn’t bad, that’s probably the best day of my life if it stayed like that but it didn’t. So after breakfast I had an appointment at the hospital, a very long appointment. I got my radiotherapy mask fitted; it actually felt quite soothing, I’ve heard it is like what a facial feels like. And then after it’s set after 10 minutes I had a CT scan, planning where the radiation will go. These went pretty fast. But then the wait happened, the wait for the doctor. I was panicking and worrying, I hate the wait for doctors and then we finally went in. We spoke to the radiotherapy specialist nurse and then waited for the consultant. It felt like forever. She came in after around 15 minutes after a long phone call with my other consultant. It was the first time I’ve seen her. So why was this one of the worst days of my life? She explained that many of the top specialists still don’t know what the tumour is and why my scan had taken so long. They did 3 scans in one: radiotherapy planning, a normal MRI and a Spectroscopy scan. So now it comes, I remember it clearly. Her next words after explaining that their had been a haze on my brainstem. I wake up most days now thinking of the words. She said “And… Unfortunately, the cancer has spread into the brainstem”. As she explained the treatment: radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I couldn’t really concentrate. They can’t get rid of it, just attempt to manage and control it. I signed the radiotherapy papers and now know my life is limited.

Right, Thursday. I awoke remembering those words from the day before. I wallowed for a while and then got out of bed. I thought I had a physio appointment. I didn’t but I did get to talk to the physio on the phone. I explained that my muscles were tight and she explained its natural after a big operation and just continue with my stretches. So that was that appointment, the rest of the day, I went on a few walks and my twin baked a lovely afternoon tea.

Next, Friday. Yes, I had an appointment. The Occupational Therapist (OT) visited. It was just like a counselling session and I did feel better after it. I just tell myself I need to accept what’s happening because there’s nothing else I can do.

So moving onto the weekend, on Saturday I went for a walk around a reservoir. My fitness is totally shot, needing to take 2 breaks in 3km just walking. I’m not happy with that at all. And then we got an ice cream and at home got pizzas, what a day! Finally, today I’m meeting with a friend, abiding by lock down rules, and hopefully I enjoy myself like last week.

So next week I have things planned, meeting up with the person I did on Monday again. Seriously, she must be sick of me by now and Friday I have an appointment. This appointment does not sound good being told it is “the bigger picture”. All I don’t want is a time period, no numbers. Also we will discuss tablet chemotherapy and how to live with cancer.

One last thing before I go, the hardest thing about all of this is the constant reminders that you’ve got cancer. Waking up and feeling normal and then remembering you have cancer is awful. Hopefully it may help when the tinnitus in my left ear from the surgery gets sorted out.

Thank you so much for reading this week’s blog post. I’m very sorry if I have upset or brought back memories to anyone. I wish this blog post was more positive. I am trying to remain that way but I keep getting bad news now. Anyway, I hope you all have a good week and keep remembering to live life to the fullest.

8 thoughts on “Hospital appointments, shocks and treatment

  1. I love that you write your blog to try and inspire and help others. Despite such a difficult week for you, you still find a positive and that is truly inspirational.
    Thank you for sharing xxx


  2. Your so brave Matthew. Keep going with your blogs as I guess it helps sort your thoughts out alongside helping many other people think about life instead of taking it for granted. I for one have really turned my thought process about life around.. life is for living so enjoy it to the best of your ability. No one knows how long we have so you are an inspiration Matthew to help people think outside the box and make the most of things. Good luck with your battle xxxx


  3. What can I say, you are an amazing young man, positive to the point you shared a week in your shoes. I would like to thank you for that and the whole process you have shared. It was written in the most positive way you are an example to yourself your siblings and Parents but most of all to others going through treatments that most of us don’t understand, but in your words it helps to understand so thank you for sharing and you are a true inspiration to others. Sending love to you all
    Cath Bentley


  4. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. You are an inspiration to others.


  5. Matthew I have no words to make you feel better. I just want to say your an amazing young man and so very strong dealing with all this and I applaud you 🤗. Cancer is a shit… I have not been in your shoes but my mum did and we lost her. One thing we used to do is say your not dying from cancer your living with it. We always laughed and found humour in everything… It is hard to laugh some days but don’t be alone with your thoughts. I know even with people all around you you can feel alone. It’s good to share your thoughts. This blog is ace and will help so many. Kick it’s arse Matthew and then some 🌟


  6. Hi Matthew, I’m so sorry to hear the not so great news. But on the positive side I would like to say what an amazing young man you are and an inspiration to others. There are a lot of people thinking about you and your family and we are all here for you no matter what.
    Have a good rant, have a good cry, but be the best that you can be xxx


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