Hello, welcome back to my blog this week and I hope you have had a good week. This week I am going to refer to last week’s structure as it enabled me to share more about how I feel and it was less storyish. So, as you know, for 5 days Monday- Friday I had radiotherapy. I had some really early appointments this week and I definitely felt that. Waking up at 6:45 is not ideal and then the tiredness intensifies after radiotherapy. But I can’t complain, it’s an attempt to save me; it will only last 4 more weeks.
On Monday I saw the Oncologist who said what the tumour was. Well, let’s just say, they’ve not got a clue what it is and even the last specialist test, Methylation, couldn’t identify what it was. But what we do know is its a different tumour to the one I had 15 years ago, it originates in the brain and it’s high grade cancer. That always looks worse in writing, trust me. I was reading it fine until the sentence ‘he’s aware the prognosis is poor’. Does this scare me? To be honest: not really because everybody dies, it just makes me think I just need to enjoy my life and love/ show my love to those I care about.
Still on Monday, I was also prescribed chemotherapy tablets but we’ll get to that sson, I saw the specialist nurse. She knew I was getting anxious for my radiotherapy – my anxiety has decreased now – so they gave me special smelly sticks to calm me down, known as aromatherapy. Just a sniff of them before radiotherapy is calming and the smells in the room aren’t as strong. That’s good because I’m starting to really dislike the smell of bleach. At least we know it’s really clean though.
On Wednesday I had a meeting at college. They are really looking after me and have even proposed that I take the first 3 weeks off while I have radiotherapy. I politely declined as I’m not going to let side effects beat me and I want some normality. Also on Wednesday I had my long radiotherapy appointment. A scan, conducted by the same machine, lengthens the appointment by around 10 minutes but I know this is to ensure accuracy and at least its a nice lie down. Also on Wednesday its a clinical review, the Doctor was there this week. Everytime they talk it strikes me with fear – they did tell me it was on my brainstem – and they propose a scan after 4 weeks to see what is happening and then carry on the 2 week booster on the site they can get rid of. I’m happy with this, just don’t like the scanner at this hospital though. 2 scans and 2 Cancer shocks, but at least its finding and allowing doctor’s to treat and save me.
Right, I’ve rambled on a lot about radiotherapy, Chemotherapy. I started it Friday night and haven’t suffered the side effects that badly yet. I’ve got a headache from it and I have lost a bit of my appetite but I hope it stays like this, manageable for me. I am taking anti-sickness tablets which seem to be helping but I may suffer from blockages at the other end of my body. Well they can manage these, I am told, with medication. So what’s the chemotherapy for? The tablets are going to be used alongside and after radiotherapy as they’ve seen better results by radiation with the drug rather than without. I’m happy with it and I know it attempts to destroy DNA and Cancerous cells. Again, another sign it may be inoperable but I believe it isn’t incurable.
My final word for this week. Although I have cancer, I’m not defined by cancer and I don’t repeatedly need telling or asking what I am. I may be tired and I will be aware of that and try and manage that, enjoying myself in the best way I can. Also, you may feel down at times but always remember you are loved and you should never be scared to express your love to others.
Thank you so much for reading this week’s blog post and I hope you have a good week. Please subscribe, like and share this blog to help others going through the same and until next week, stay safe and remember to express your love.