It was a jubilation to finish radiotherapy but now it just feels odd. Not going backward and forward to the hospital for treatment or blood tests, although great, doesn’t put my at ease at all. I’ve noticed that my mental health has deteriorated but I’m still not beaten and I’m strong and I will keep fighting.
Talking about fighting, I have changed some of my habits to try and stop the risk of an earlier death. So what have I changed? Well… I have finally conquered my habit of biting my nails. This was a choice as I realise the infection that can be caused by chewing your fingers. It is hard but I am determined to stop forever and stop the risk of infect, which my body is less immune to. I have, also, become a vegetarian. I have seen the research saying that cancer cells feed off red meat and that 80% of your health is in your gut, so I’ve taken the decision to go vegetarian and I do feel better for it.
With regards to what I’ve been doing, I have been back in college, always wearing a mask to minimise the chance of infection, and I have been getting my coursework and classwork done. I do want to prove that anyone can do well, not using excuses, because I am still me and I can still do what I want.
However, I understand that everything I want may not be able to happen. I am young and I did want to grow up to have a nice family but unfortunately that more than likely won’t be possible. I want a nice relationship with a girl but I don’t want to put on them, I have a shorter lifespan and understand why they wouldn’t decide to be with me but I am still a human and need love. I don’t want to put on people as the average relationship lasts just under 2 years, but hopefully mine would last longer, and I wouldn’t want to upset more people when I die. But remember, people with cancer are still humans.
And finally, my short life, I have a goal. I want to have a big funeral and outlive this lockdown caffuffle. I want to show the people I love(d) that I love them and I want to express my gratitude and love to everyone that I do love.