I still feel low because I know I’m closer to death than most people my age and I understand that it’s inevitable that I will die soon, I don’t want to but that’s how it is. I want children and a family but I think that’s been taken away from me. Even if treatment is successful I still probably won’t be able to have children. Also, who would want to marry or form a relationship with someone who’s dying? I wish it wasn’t like this because I know I have much more left to give. I’m not really religious but I’ve started praying. Praying things will get better, why? I study history and believe their must be some element of truth if we’ve prayed for over 2000 years. What else can I do? I accept studies and treatment but need to try other things, as I told you in last week’s blog post.
I know what I can do, I can try and raise money for people in my position. I’m not a selfish person but an element of me wants the research and support for me, anyone in my position would but I know I can help people. Helping people and making people happy makes me happy, I’m not happy until everyone is happy. So what am I saying?
Well… I am going to take on a challenge. I know its nothing near the miles my brother did for Brain Tumour Research but after managing 2 runs this week and running the furthest I have since surgery, over 3 months ago, I’ve decided to take on a challenge. It will be for a different charity, Brainstrust. The charity provides information and support to families, carers and patients effected by brain tumours. The challenge is 30 miles in November running, walking or rowing. I’m going to run some days and walk others. Why?
I’m going to be put on stronger chemotherapy on Friday, to make up for no radiotherapy aswell as chemotherapy, so I’ll see how I’m feeling on certain days. I know this challenge on the surface doesn’t seem hard for someone who could use to run more miles in a week but its really going to challenge me. I get tired and get stiff muscles and it’s going to be tough but I will complete this challenge for other people suffering but also to prove to myself I can do it.
Challenges are there to be completed and I will complete this. No excuses, I will make a change and will cover the difference.
You can donate here: www.justgiving, com/fundraising/runningthroughcancer