I’m starting to become an expert of putting my trousers on without holding onto something, I’ve not quite mastered taking them off though. I feel like I’m becoming physically fit again and I feel stronger. After last week, and the catch up of Radiotherapy and chemotherapy, I’m starting to feel much better. I’m feeling good physically, but still mentally I’m struggling. I know what’s going to happen and it’s always in my mind. I pray at least three times a day in hope that it will just disappear and I can live a long life like the majority of people. I guess it’s just fear of the unknown, what happens after this treatment? What happens when you die? And other questions like how don’t they know about my tumour? Why me again?
I’m not all about myself but sometimes I have to think about myself. I can’t always help other people, despite me trying. I need time to think and sometimes that’s a problem. I feel fine but I know that I’m not, I know why I’m asked to do/go to places. I’m not just the boy with cancer, I’m Matthew and I want people to understand that. I know everyone’s time is limited, but I know mine is shorter than most peoples unless something big happens so I always try to achieve something everyday. I need a purpose at the moment and I’m not giving up yet.
I work with charities, like Brainstrust, Brain Tumour Research and 5k your way to try and help, but I know most the research will miss many of us with rare, unknown, brain tumours and other cancers. I feel we need to focus on it all because people like me are just a trial, we aren’t even brand new clinical trials. I am being given a drug for chemotherapy that’s proven to work but not on people as young as me and with unknown tumours like me. I just take it and hope for the best because what else can I do? I just wish there was more research into rare types of cancers.
In other news, I had a Covid test and tested negative and because we have positive tests in the household my treatment has been put back a week. So that means my chemotherapy and scan results will come a week later. I’m not sure what I think about that, I like feeling good and not knowing any news is good news but chemotherapy might actually be working and it’s been stopped for a week and it’s tense waiting for results.
Thank you so much for reading this blog post and always remember to tell people that you love them because you never know when it will be the last opportunity.