Being unwell from chemotherapy isn’t the best feeling. You struggle with bowel movements, sickness, tiredness and ulsers. It’s really not very nice and the side effects were much larger this time as it was a larger dose than round one. I am assured this is the largest dose I will be on, thank goodness. It’s not very nice, after about three days of taking it, out of five, you’re weak and start feeling the side effects. I missed college which means I’ll have to catch up and fearful I might not be on time with my coursework. Chemotherapy has just made me sick but I understand the need and although my oncologist may be testing it on me I trust him with my life, literally.
From the third morning my head was really really sore, it had a monstrous headache but I know that’s the tablets doing the work; it was the same as when my eyes became a little unfocused, which makes it more difficult to read and write, but I adjust. After finding out there is some hope of a trial at the end of this, I know my Doctor has a plan and I am happy to stay on medication that he suggests. It might not be very nice but it is extending/saving my life, which I am ever greatful for.
In other news, I’ve not been able to run unfortunately because I’ve physically been too run down to do so but I have kept up with my physio. College this week has unfortunately been a write off but I am proud this week. I’ve kept going, getting up out of bed and sometimes even managed a walk.
What this week has taught me is we’re all stronger than we think we are. I know a lot of people who would stop taking tablets that would make them unwell but I kept going because I can see my aim of survival getting closer. I believe that I can pull off a miracle. I may have been scared and a few tears may have been shed but I got through it. It’s only a few weak, sick, constipated, emotional, headachy days which can extend my days.
I have became more grateful this week because I understand that I could be seen as a burden. What pained me the most is someone saying my little brother was pathetic for writing about me and that he didn’t have a very good summer because of that. To be honest I just feel very upset for that boy, if he thinks that isn’t important he’s deluded, or just a very unkind spirit. He should learn from us: show people your love because you never know when it will be the last time or when they were last showed it.
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