Running again is amazing, yes I’ve only ran once but just to run again and feel the harsh sensations throughout the body brings a smile to my face. I’m still not as strong as I was, chemotherapy has seemed to have taken away the strength I had built up since the last round. My left side, which I have worked really hard on, is back to how it was last time on chemotherapy but my time seems to have stayed the similar. I was so happy to see I was only 30 seconds slower over a mile before the second round of chemotherapy. That feeling is so rewarding, you actually feel like you’ve achieved something. Accomplished something by and for yourself.
I still do physio in order to get stronger, I’m progressing well I think. That is not progressing but managing itt three times a day including when I’m on chemotherapy. It does annoy me I cannot progress it but I’ve been discharged from physio so that’s a big step in the right direction. So I’m physically doing well I think but mentally it’s hard to explain.
I try to remain strong but sometimes it’s too much. Social Media mostly shows my strength and when people call me an inspiration I want to cry. I just want to help other people and being told that makes me feel overjoyed. I can help people through my struggle. But what people don’t see is the offload. I go weeks, maybe even months without crying, but sometimes you have to let it go. One big cry is usually the answer for me. I cry and think I’m hard done to because people with a condition similar to me are. Crying is not a weakness, it’s a strength. I do get upset daily, and I’m sure people with a similar condition do, but I accept it because I’d rather face this than you. We are strong.
People cope in different ways. I try and bring people closer and help others suffering. I’m lucky I have good friends that I love, and I’m not scared to tell them that, who haven’t pushed me away. I know people do that so they can’t get hurt but pushing people away isn’t an answer. You’ll end up lonely, depresses and still as hurt. You can’t live your life like that or live it regretting. So I embrace everyone and everything around me because we are lucky.
I wake up every morning and thank God that I’m still alive. Life is precious and we should use it loving and caring for ourselves and others. Don’t be scared of other people’s opinions. We are strong.