I don’t feel too great. I just feel low like I don’t want to do anything, but I continue with life like its normal to live like this. Constantly thinking that my time is running out and I could die any day. I am positive but sometimes the world, that keeps spinning, teases me and puts me under pressure because I’m me. I really don’t want to be the victim but this has happened twice, and this time it will probably cause my final breaths. I’m not scared. I just live with uncertainty everyday. But I’d rather have this than anyone else, no one deserves this.
I had an appointment Friday, somerhings have improved. But being rang at 7:20pm off the oncologist is a shock. He told me I couldn’t take my chemotherapy this week because my platelettes were low. This is the first time I’ve cried in a while. Being told to wait to take chemotherapy is really hard. Its like having a lifeline taken away. I suppose when I look at it, it’s good, because I feel terrible after my covid jab due to a suppressed immune system. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. It doesn’t hurt at all and I’m just a hey a day after. There’s nothing to be scared of. Protect yourself and protect others.
Next, my fitness programme. I’ve not ran a lot this week because of the ice. I’ve done different cardio workouts. It may be adapting the plan but, although I love running, I’ve got to keep myself safe. Which is weird because I used to run in anything. Finally, my thoughts on this week are: Although I might not be operable, I can make myself fit and healthy to give me a better chance of survival. This pandemic may be trying but you can still achieve what you want. I’m not scared of this. Just look after your health and be unstoppable.