The first hitch in the plan

I don’t feel too great. I just feel low like I don’t want to do anything, but I continue with life like its normal to live like this. Constantly thinking that my time is running out and I could die any day. I am positive but sometimes the world, that keeps spinning, teases me and puts me under pressure because I’m me. I really don’t want to be the victim but this has happened twice, and this time it will probably cause my final breaths. I’m not scared. I just live with uncertainty everyday. But I’d rather have this than anyone else, no one deserves this.

I had an appointment Friday, somerhings have improved. But being rang at 7:20pm off the oncologist is a shock. He told me I couldn’t take my chemotherapy this week because my platelettes were low. This is the first time I’ve cried in a while. Being told to wait to take chemotherapy is really hard. Its like having a lifeline taken away. I suppose when I look at it, it’s good, because I feel terrible after my covid jab due to a suppressed immune system. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. It doesn’t hurt at all and I’m just a hey a day after. There’s nothing to be scared of. Protect yourself and protect others.

Next, my fitness programme. I’ve not ran a lot this week because of the ice. I’ve done different cardio workouts. It may be adapting the plan but, although I love running, I’ve got to keep myself safe. Which is weird because I used to run in anything. Finally, my thoughts on this week are: Although I might not be operable, I can make myself fit and healthy to give me a better chance of survival. This pandemic may be trying but you can still achieve what you want. I’m not scared of this. Just look after your health and be unstoppable.

7 thoughts on “The first hitch in the plan

  1. Try to keep positive thoughts Matthew. You’re so strong inside, a lot stronger than many of us reading your blog.
    Keep at it you fighter

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A day at a time Matthew, I know having it delayed is so hard but the vaccine is enough work for your body at the moment. You need those platelets at the right level so that you can keep doing the strength work after too. You are amazing 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

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