Every night before I go to bed, a tear rolls down my face, making me remember the joy and love in life. I do fear I won’t make tomorrow, so I pray every night and hope that I get there. I’m not scared though because I’m not going to be intimidated by a disease that has been around me most my life. I’ve had it, relatives have had it, my mum had it. Why fear what can appear to be the norm? I know it shouldn’t be but hospital appointments and scans all my life, missing out on learning and fun for them but I thought it would all be worth it. ‘It’s no coming back’ a doctor told me, a few months later I’m lying on an operating table. I wish I could forgive but when he now ignored me, anger builds up. But I don’t want to hurt him or wish anything upon him. It was a bad choice of words that came back to haunt the patient (me).
My platelettes have improved this week, which allows me to start my chemotherapy again. I was so proud of myself going into the hospital myself and just getting my bloods done. Each visit is hard, a week ago I was really anxious and there wasn’t even any results. I’m not scared, just aware that whatever comes out of my Doctor’s mouth affects my life. I trust him. I do trust him with my life. That’s hard to say because I want control of my body but I can’t, it’s rely hard. So, my platelettes have improved and round 4 of chemotherapy is under way. I get tired on it but exercise reduces side effects. So I can get out and do me, I can run, walk and exercise in the ways I want to. Talking about exercise, I’m still on the Move training plan. It’s going well, I feel stronger and I’m running 2k+ in 15 minutes. It may not be just under 5k, which I could manage before surgery, but I’m happy with my progress.
Finally, I would like to thank most of my followers for sharing my account and helping it grow, that is important to me, so we can help others. My last words this week are: I can see people dying with my disease and everyday I feel like my time is running out. I want to live well, so I want to continue helping people with similar conditions or just to boost their morale. If we can’t find a cure, I want to be remembered for helping and being happy. I don’t want my suffering remembered because I have achieved so much and have so many good memories. Just remember me and remember my love.