It’s hard to still feel like your loved when you have cancer. Although you know people care about you, you still feel alone, like you’re the only one and that nobody understands or loved you. It’s difficult because as much as your loved ones give you love, it never feels like they do because they don’t understand. No one understands how people living with cancer feel. I can give a general answer but you still wouldn’t understand. Cancer makes you feel alone, isolated and like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. It’s constantly on your mind and it won’t go away, I’ve even started having dreams where it’s just normal for me to talk about and have cancer. You can’t escape it. You can’t escape it at all.
I thought I’d talk about love this week as today, Sunday 14th February 2021, is Valentine’s Day. Have I got a Valentine? No. This is where I want yo pick up on. I’m moving to university in September and I’m scared no one will love me or even be my friend. I understand it might sound stupid but I can’t see any reason why someone would befriend a dying person. I struggle with this thought because I know university is a place where close friends and sometimes partners for life are made. And what’s my life? 10 years if I’m really lucky. I do worry about this. Also, shall I hide the awful fact? Tell them when they’re ready? They might just run off because they don’t want a dying friend. It’s a really hard thought.
This week I’m going to briefly go over my fitness. My program is going well, I’m feeling strong and I managed to run for around 20 minutes rather than 15, which is an improvement I can live with. My exercise bike is really helping my cardiovascular system and I can feel it. That was my fitness. I want to finish on the note: Even if you don’t feel loved you are loved by many. You might be alone today but better times will come.
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