I have struggled a bit this week, it’s one of the few times I’ve had time to think. Like really think about what’s going on. I have found myself feeling a bit down because I realise what I have is hard and ‘not normal’. Walking with pins and needles really does get me down because I try but it’s just a lot harder than without them. It feels like walking on sharp glass and needles every step and causes you to feel off balanced when you’re not. I’m hoping for everyone’s sake I don’t lose anymore control in my body, it’s too much for me and everyone else, especially when you want to carry on physical activities, like walking and running, and you want to feel ‘normal’.
I had my radiotherapy planning this week for my spinal chord. I’m still on steroids but now I’ve got my mask made, which goes down to my shoulders and unbeknown to me tattoos. TATTOOS. Six little permanent dots are tattooed on me to keep me straight when administering radiotherapy. It was a big mental challenge as I’ve never wanted anything like that in my skin. That’s the only mental barrier I had. It was hard and they hurt, Let’s say I wouldn’t get them by choice, but if they can help prolong/ save my life I’ll take 6 little dots.
Within the radiotherapy planning I also saw my radiotherapy oncologist. She’s upped the radiotherapy to 20 sessions, which I was happy about, from 10 and I now have a physio. So little bonuses! Honestly , be grateful for the little things in life and embrace the moment. Its so hard but it feels like the only way I am getting through.
I also met with some more people, high up in the NHS, to discuss change. I completely forgot I had it so forgot to get videos of it. Overall, it was a good outcome and we’re going to the national cancer conference board! Let’s keep the momentum. #campaigningforachange.
Finally, I finished scheduling and filming series one of A Sit Down Chat podcast! I’m so excited for the next series. Please give it a listen. It’s honest, non scripted and open about living with cancer. You can listen here.
It’s been a hard week but I will take so many lessons from it. Adaption to change is one of them.