Love and getting through

I understand what’s wrong and I understand time is running out but I can look at it and think to enjoy what I’ve got left.  Yes I have a few pains in my neck and back and maybe not walking as I used to be able to but I am sill me. I’m still Matthew.  I’m still the boy who makes people laugh, tries my best at everything,  does what’s right. Truth be told, I don’t really care at the moment if I get hurt. I only care about loving the people I love . Why? Because we shouldn’t take them forgranted. Honestly,  I wish I hadn’t a few years ago. Family and friends matter most.

It hurts me that I need a bit more assistance because they don’t deserve it.  My friends and family must find it hard and sometimes I feel like a burden [holding onto them] but I have learnt acceptance and honesty is key. I want to be happy but knowing what’s happening,  I’m worried. Worried about myself. My family. My friends.  The ones that I love.

I am tired and have pains from radiotherapy but those pains can be treated with medication, whereas the loss of life cannot. Acceptance. Acceptance that I might not have long has dawned on me and honestly I break down sometimes to myself but I try to get on with it.  ‘How do you do it?’ I get asked. 

I don’t. I just see the problem and deal with it. I do use distractions such as writing,  making videos/Podcasts (which you can view on my YouTube) and my old favourite is collecting football shirts, which I’ve reverted back to. I love doing that minus the financial blow. So if anybody knows anyone 😉 haha. But as long as I’m happy , I’m the best me. Steroids make me snappy but I try and manage it. They definitely remove my filter and it’s a bad thing.

To sum up. It’s not our job to find answers. It’s our job to live life and show our love.

One thought on “Love and getting through

  1. You absolutely are still the boy that makes people laugh (I’m thinking poolside dancing in Mexico!!) and who tries so hard at everything. Matthew the world would be a far better place if more people took a leaf out of your book xx

    And (Mumsy telling off here!!) you have never been and never will be a burden!!! I will repeat that so it sinks in. You have never been and never will be a burden. To neither your family nor your friends. NO MATTER WHAT!!!

    I know you won’t believe me, you’ll think I am just being kind to you, so let me put it this way… think of all the times you have done things and helped other people – was that out of necessity or feeling that you had to? Or was it because you just did and didn’t bat an eyelid because your love for your friends and family doesn’t come with conditions. Well that’s where we’re at. No conditions, just here, no matter what. Stop worrying about us, we have got this Matthew. Always. And you worry because you care and that’s a beautiful thing. Never stop loving and you will never stop caring xxx

    And as for the filter, or lack of it, well can you imagine a world with no filters? A world with honesty? A real world not a fake filtered world? Does having no filter sound so bad now? I don’t think so xxx



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